After these messages (aviendha28) wrote,
After these messages

An unlucky number

My littlest sister will be turning thirteen tomorrow, which I'm sure most of you would acknowledge as an awkward age. At thirteen I was taller than most of my teachers, stubborn, and too smart for my own good with no idea how to apply it. Most of these traits still exist, but I've learned to cope (or rejoice!) with them and be done. But thirteen is still awkward, and so am I. And so...

13 Awkward Things About My Life (take 1)

1. I'm paranoid about my nose. Since I almost broke it when I was little (and tried to do the same again three days ago), I worry about it constantly. Currently, the obsession is: does the bruise on the bridge of it show when I'm wearing my glasses?

2. I'm scared of fish. Most of you know this and it's good for a laugh. But, seriously, it's something that's really wrong with me. I was talking to my other sister Julia on Monday and she said, "I used to think people just talked about phobias with something they didn't like. But that one time [when you freaked out in the pet shop] was really scary. Now I just tell people to shut up because what you have is *real*"

3. Deep down, we all know that being geeky is really not cool. It's the being cool with yourself that's cool, not the activities.

4. My family situation is certainly messed up. When you're little, don't ever wish that something exciting will happen to you because you'll regret it when it does. I mean, who needs to take time to contemplate if you should call your father's half-sister through his birth-mother "Aunt Cindy" or just "Cindy?"

5. Trying to talk to Cara about her problems. Because she's my best friend and I think I'm a little too close to her to hear all that. I mean, we'll talk about it vaguely... what's she's doing to help herself and how her therapy is going... but one mention of her feeling symptomatic and I run in the other direction.

6. I'm stubborn. But I'm staying that way.

7. Most people think Julia is older than me. Most of the time, I think she should be, but I don't want her to deal with that.

8. I smile too much. At work, I smile all the time, which is mostly good, but sometimes not good (like when you almost break your nose). And then I feel stupid.

9. I feel really awkward asking for favors. I've gotten better at it, but I like to be able to do everything myself. It really sucks having to ask.

10. I still don't know what to tell my mother when I've been out all night and return home at 9am. Like, "I was out drinking at Brian's house with Jess and then we decided to sleep there before heading home because Jess was really retarded and Brian's house has better air-conditioning," is not my favorite explanation.

11. I require an extreme amount of time alone. Like, without anyone there. Including my best friend. Including my mother. Including anyone.

12. I used to be (and still really am) paranoid about someone breaking into my home. Just this house in PA, nowhere else. I can't sleep at night if I'm home alone. I think this has to do with the fact that someone *has* tried to break in (twice before), and my father used to travel a lot when I was younger, up to 3 weeks out of the month.

13. I hate talking about feelings. Because feelings are stupid and a lot of times problems resolve themselves without bringing them up so many times. Yech. I'd rather kill myself than enter a sobfest with someone.
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